Influences (Internal)

Internal influences are typically derived from our external ones. I gave many examples of external ones in the post prior to this one. If you take those experiences, they each shape how we react internally. Every single thought, concept, idea we create internally, are based on external factors. Internal influences can’t hardly exist without some sort of external one.

Internal influences are knowledge, factual information that we know; our curiosities, our likes and dislikes, our desires and fears. They are also our internal personality, psychological condition, use of medications, financial well-being, level of illness, current mood, stress level, amount of sleep we had over the last few days and the support or lack of support we feel we are receiving at moment in time.

I think the best way I can describe what an internal influence is, is by saying that they are your intuition, your gut feeling, your immediate impression. These are considered abstract thoughts and observations. Intuitive people tend to be good in the musics, arts and in mathematics. They have a strong internal influence, a strong sense of self, and their intuitions are stronger than most others, especially when it leads to greater creativity.

My internal influences are:

~The things I know, and in essence the things I do not know (the things that make me worry the most- the not-knowing).

~Having a mental illness is something I deal with on an every day basis. The only other person who would understand what I mean, would be another person like me, who also had bipolar/OCD and etc. The medications I take to ‘level me out’ have many different effects. Medications are good in that when I am taking them, other people  know how I am going to respond to them and the situation. When my meds are starting not to work, or I am not on any, I tend to be all over the place… meaning I can be super high manic phase and then the lowest of lows in depression. I periodically get stuck in one phase or the other. During this thesis project, I will be doing a change over in medications. The one I am currently on (Seroquel XR) is no longer working, and I’m beginning to cycle, sometimes I cycle many times in as little as an hour.

~As one with chronic pain, it affects my every day, my every moment. When I wake in the morning, how much pain am I having? Are my meds working? Am I warm? Did I move at all in my sleep. Being warm, and having moved are critical points for me. I have less pain if I am warm (I sleep with an electric blanket) and, if I moved in my sleep, that is a plus because joints got to rest from my body weight pressing on them. As far as effect on my human being- this is probably the number one factor.

~Sleep is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. *Raise your hand if you have ever had insomnia?* That’s right, its not uncommon at all! Though I am on medication for pain around the clock, I do not set an alarm for a middle of the night dose. Instead, when I wake on my own, I take them. I don’t always wake up in the middle of the night needing them. I’d say somewhere between 4 and 5 days a week, I am up taking pain meds while the rest of the house sleeps.

~My mood, stress level, and amount of sleep directly impact who I am on the outside, and on the inside.

~The other factors I mentioned above (financial well-being; who I am with; who I am missing; what the current weather is;) all affect me just as it affects you!

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